They’ve proposed, and you are absolutely over-the-moon, but it has also created a little problem that won’t go away. You don’t like your engagement ring. Perhaps it’s not your style, it’s a bit too bling, or it’s the wrong gold.
Whatever your reason for disliking the ring, you’re no doubt feeling racked with guilt and wondering what to do. Do you keep a ring you don’t like, or do you risk hurting your fiancé’s feelings by telling them they chose badly?
We’ve gathered together some top tips below to help you out with this surprisingly common predicament.
Give it time
Resist reacting to the ring immediately, and instead focus on the moment itself. You’re engaged to be married! Congratulations. If you mention the ring straight away, your other half may think that is all that matters to you.
Your initial reaction to an engagement ring is bound to be more extreme too, so don’t comment on your feelings towards it yet and try giving it some time.
There’s every chance it will look better on your finger than it does in the box.
Wear it for a few days and give some thought to it. Could you wear this ring every day for the rest of your life?
Chat to your partner about the process they went through to select the ring. There may be a story behind why they saw that ring and decided it was the one for you. Something like this could change your feelings towards it and you may learn to love it.
Compromise with your ideal wedding ring
If you feel that you can live with your engagement ring and genuinely can’t bear to bring the issue up with your partner, then spend time searching for the perfect wedding ring.
You may even find a wedding band that complements your engagement ring so much, it makes you view it in a different light altogether.
If, after a long period of time, you are still not a fan of your engagement ring and don’t want to tell your husband or wife, you could opt to just wear your wedding band instead of both rings. Problem solved!
Talk to your partner
If, after a few days of contemplation, you’re still not happy with your ring, it’s time to sit down with your partner in a private spot for an honest chat.
This is a purchase that your partner will have spent a lot of time and thought on, so you must tread carefully.
Choose your time well and catch your fiancé or fiancée when they are in a good mood. Do not, under any circumstances, blurt out that you hate their ring choice in the middle of a heated argument.
Start the conversation by thanking your partner for the time and effort they put into choosing you a ring, and remind them that you appreciate it, love them very much, and do not wish to hurt their feelings.
You could try the ‘compliment sandwich’ method to deliver the bad news. It might go something like this:
“I am so excited to spend the rest of my life with you. My ring is absolutely beautiful, and you’ve clearly given it lots of thought because you’ve chosen a halo ring, which is my favourite setting. I was wondering though; do you think it would be possible to get it in white gold instead of yellow? Only the rest of my jewellery is white gold, and I want it to fit in perfectly with everything I wear. After all, I’ll be wearing it proudly for the rest of my life as Mrs Brown!”
All being well, they will understand, and you can select an alternative ring together.
Alter the ring or replace it
If you have spoken to your partner, it is now time to consider your options.
If the ring is, for example, his grandma’s or her mum’s old ring, then you could look into having alterations made to make it more ‘you’. You could retain the diamond and have it re-set into a new band, or have changes made to the current band and setting instead.
If the colour of the ring is the problem, you can often get them plated or ‘dipped’. For example, a yellow gold ring can be transformed into a white gold-plated ring for a small fee.
If the engagement ring is brand new and you don’t like it, you can return it to the shop your partner bought it from and either exchange it or get a refund and look elsewhere. Of course, this won’t be the case if your partner had the ring designed especially for you, though.
When exchanging your ring or choosing a new one, be mindful of your partner’s feelings and let them feel involved with the process. Also, be thoughtful to their original budget.
Be grateful for your ring
If you like your ring, but you’re bothered about the size of the rock, then it’s time to remind yourself that your other half has chosen the ring with love and spent what they felt was an appropriate amount of money on it.
Enjoy the ring for the beautiful symbol of love that it is, and perhaps you can upgrade your ring for a wedding anniversary in the future.
Once you’ve got your perfect engagement ring, you can find out how best to look after it in this blog post.
Did your boyfriend or girlfriend propose with a ring you didn’t like? Let us know your engagement ring stories in the comments below!